Poop, Crap, #2, and Rubber Gloves

We (barely) survived the week, but here we are. And, after changing approximately 60 poopy diapers this week, I am ready for my friend's birthday dinner this evening. And, kudos to her, it's girls only! Trust me, I wasn't sad when I realized I would have a few hours to myself after this week I fondly refer to as "The Diarrhea Wars" wherein I pretty much got my butt kicked by a pooping toddler. (Yes, I have to say toddler, because Gage is walking all the time now.)

Last weekend we went to my niece's First birthday party. Gage pooped while we were there. And, little did I know, that was only the beginning. Sunday and Monday he was pooping nearly every hour and I couldn't get him to eat much of anything. He got horrible diaper rash that turned into a yeast infection on his bottom region. (this is one of those posts that he'll hate me for when he can read). It wasn't exactly on his bottom, more on his man parts.

First of all, who the hell knew boys got yeast infections? All it needs is a warm wet place...like a diaper. It made sense, but sort off defied what I believed to be scientific truth. Secondly, I personally felt like it was my fault for wiping his bottom sooo much. Maybe I could've given more rinse off baths and less friction to his bottom would've helped the situation. I remember when I was changing him, I wiped him, and I saw a spot start bleeding. I freaked out and we put Neosporin on that place. (by "we" I mean "ME" - more on this later)

Here I am with all my creams and what not. I have Maalox (the first thing suggested to me by a couple of friends for the diaper rash) that I am blotting on with a cotton ball, letting it dry (by blowing on it. yes, I blew on my kids butt o help the medicine dry. you do what you have to), and applying diaper cream, and then Vaseline
(Curtis's and another friends' suggestion) to protect it.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, his butt wasn't getting any better (and neither was his tummy) so we went to the doctor. That boo boo had turned into the yeast infection, as well as another spotty area was infected. And, the cure? Lotrimin. Athlete's Foot Cream. It's an antifungal.

So, I am applying foot cream, diaper cream, and Vaseline to my kids ass all week. And, guess what? Tonight, it's Curtis's turn. He's hoping Gage doesn't poop after I leave. I am secretly hoping he will. Because, I am such an awesome wife that I haven't made Curtis change any drippy diarrhea diapers. I have asked him to help me when Gage needs to be rinsed off, but I didn't make him apply cream to Gage's little baby boy nuts or penis. I know Curtis will have the reigns when Gage is potty training, and has to have help aiming his pee into the toilet.

Curtis and I were both sick for one day each. And, the awesome new dinner I made this week...well, I won't be making broccoli chicken again for a long time. Throwing it up wasn't much of a treat. Curtis still ate McDonald's, even after he threw up that. Ugh. I STILL won't eat Sun Chips because I threw them up when I was in the 7th grade. And, after I turned 21, I didn't drink for a month because of all the puking I did on my birthday. (alcohol, I can get over. But, Sun Chips, NOT A CHANCE)

I'm just glad it's mostly over. I've been feeding Gage the BART diet (thanks Melinda and Chris!) and I gave him some acidophilus supplement. He's been acting a little less energetic this week, but no fever, and no real issues outside of crapping himself into a yeast infection. The only positive thing about this: he's been more cuddly and calm to sit with. Of course, that's not the price I wanted him to pay for him to cuddle with me.

I DID buy Curtis some rubber doctor style gloves in case Gage has a crazy blow out while I am gone. I mean, I can understand not wanting to touch poo with your bare hands. It's not something I enjoy at all, but it's just part of our life for as long as we have kids in diapers. Shit Happens.

On the topic of poop, have you ever had a "poop stand off" in a public bathroom? You know, where you're waiting for the other person to leave their stall and exit the bathroom so you can poop in private, and it turns out they're doing the same thing? So, you're just sitting there, waiting it out, wondering who will break first. You'll either leave and wait a bit and come back, or just say "forget it" and go on with your business with an audience who can hear the ploop! and splash!. Personally, when I was working and I was pregnant, my poop schedule coincided with another girl's schedule. If I walked in and she was after me, she would usually just wash her hands, look in the mirror, and I guess come back in a little while. When you're pregnant, pooping turns into a luxury and you can't skip the chance to go.

I am not really a shy pooper anymore. Something about Gage screaming and peeking under the bathroom door if I close it to poop makes it more difficult to concentrate on the task. So, I just leave the door open and ignore him trying to see under my bottom and flushing the toilet for fun. Curtis still locks the door - like I'm going to barge in and have a heart to heart while he's taking care of business...

And, just a nod to MOPS this week. Turns out spitting on a price tag stuck to the bottom of a glass vase helps it come right off. Thanks, Christina for the hint!