Time For My Yearly State of The Union Address

Today I turned 35. It's the end of a decade and we are heading into a year that felt like a super long time away when I was a kid. Joking about the year 2020 seemed like we were discussing another lifetime. I realized I could not pass up this momentous event without scribbling down some babble about how I should write more regularly this year.
But, I feel the deep need for change. It feels like our lives are on cruise control and I have zero complaints about my life, but we were made to want more. A deeper faith. A stronger passion. A purpose that makes you feel motivated to work towards a goal.

If I'm being 100% real- and I would like to think that I am, in spite of my husband's cringing at my penchant for sharing too much - I am scared of being mediocre. Of only achieving something small. Of making so little impact on the world that I waste my potential. I'm decently good at what I attempt. But never ever the very best. And when you feel like there is MORE inside you - more potential, more passion, more of that "something special" - you want to be the version of yourself that you know is there. Sounds trite or maybe even a little corny, but there is something more in this next year of my life that is coming. I just know it.

Coming Back

I grew up in church. And I say that as literally as I can because more than half of the memories from my childhood (counting up through college really) are set inside the walls of the church we were attending.

As a kid, we attended 3 separate churches over the years and the only reason we ever changed churches was because we moved. My parents did a WHOLE LOT of things wrong, but we were faithful church attendees. And I have zero regrets about the tine I spent in church.

We were Southern Baptists. I guess they (my mom and stepdad) would still be since they attend the same church they've gone to since they moved to Texas 20 years ago. I have seen a whole lot more of the non-denominational church thing since adulthood & that's categorically the type of church that I attend now.

The interesting thing about churches nowadays is you can go to their .org website and read their "what we believe" or "what we're about" statement and get a good idea of how well your beliefs jive with what they teach. Because you know churches have slight nuances regarding specific topics and you can easily suss out their stance on any larger debates topic by reading their "faith statement".

Currently we have been irregularly attending church that is very much a "come as you are & let's love each other & do what the Bible says without getting caught up in semantics". Which I am all for because Jesus said "Love" - not judge everyone based on what my Word says and your interpretation of it. I say irregularly because for most of 2018 I was working at least every other Sunday and often 3/4 Sunday's a month.

After some changes to my schedule, I made a commitment to myself and my family (and obviously Jesus) to let Sunday be my day of rest and get to church regularly.  Trust me, being a parent to rapidly growing elementary school aged kids will send you into the arms of Jesus on the regular anyway. It's funny how near death experiences or the loss of a loved one can serve as a "Come to Jesus moment" but just the same, so can your 8 year old asking really tough questions about life!

I NEVER get home from church or a bible study and think "Man, THAT was a waste of my time" or "I wish I hadn't gone!".
So, 2019 is about improving myself by making my relationship with Christ the priority and creating time in my day to spend in His word .

For the last 12 or so years I have not been consistent in my walk with God & I have some bad habits and attitudes that frankly I am sick of dealing with . Do you ever hear yourself say something and go "wow, that sounded awful" ? I've gotten into this habit of just literally complaining 24/7 .
Sure, life is annoying . People cut you off in traffic . Your kids complain about dinner . Your spouse leaves a mess behind . And those things can be daily occurrences that WON'T STOP HAPPENING.

I've gotten to where I begrudgingly wash dishes or roll my eyes when someone asks what's for dinner while I'm cooking . Can I tell you how many times I am told "I'm hungry" during a week? Why do I let that annoy me? I could jokingly quote James here

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a]whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. " 

But in reality, my faith isn't being tested by my family wanting to eat EVERY SINGLE NIGHT . Maybe my cooking skills are, but it's not a trial, no matter how irritated I allow myself to be .

No, the real thing I should be considering is Colossians 3:17 that says

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Another translation says "as a representative of the Lord Jesus"..... Whoa whoa whoa , I think to myself. Pump the brakes. Do what now? 

Am I representing Jesus as I care for my family? As I look for my younger sons missing shoe two minutes before we are suppose to leave for school? As I pour a second cup of orange juice in the middle of dinner? As I mop the paw prints off my floors? As I prep the coffee pot for my husband's 5am wake up call? 

Because Jesus may not have used a crock pot, but I KNOW He didn't roll His eyes when He fed the hungry crowd with 5 loaves and 2 fish. He didn't huff and sigh dramatically when He was asked where they were headed by one of His disciples . I am confident, however, that He came to serve and set an example of caring for others sacrificially. 

I am NO saint and even if I could follow Jesus's example well, I would never be perfect. And that's PERFECTLY fine with Him . But He has called His followers to represent Him to whatever our ministry field may be . Our family, co workers, clients, neighbors - all of them. And if anyone should be showing my family the love of God, it's me . So, a shift in my focus & a change in my attitudes and mindset will multiply my joy and probably my family's happiness too. 

2019 - I missed a year.

Look one of my very best friends asked me this week if I had any New Year's resolutions and while my Auto Reply text options included "let me check", I decided to go ahead and list five things then I added a couple more because you know, why not?

I will give you the details to those later but the final add-on was that I wanted to write more on my blog. I started out strong almost 10 years ago - especially when I was a brand-new mom and had a lot to think about and get off my chest and process. Then life gets in the way and then I get excited about something and I want to write about it and then life gets in the way and then I did the Whole30 and I started a little side blog about that and then fell off The Whole30 wagon and stopped writing recipes because who wants to read a recipe blog that doesn't include baked goods? Not me.

And of course it seems that my last post was in 2017 so it's almost like 2018 never happened? Except so much did happen this year and I have accomplished some things and let go of some things and marched right into my mid-30s like a boss.

Maybe I'll do a weekly post ..but no promises. I don't thrive on schedule and routine nearly as much as "ooh I need to tell y'all about this right now!!" kinda writing.

And because I said I would, here were my resolutions:

1. Stop cussing
2. More bible (prob will help with #1)
3. Less sugar
4. Spend less
5. No eating out for dinners unless special occasion and planned (I.e. better consistent meal planning each week)

The first add on was regarding getting newborn baby snuggles and supporting my friend in her maiden voyage into motherhood (that baby is due in February) and then blog more was my second add on .

I won't lie, technology with a better phone and voice to text is a huge help in getting me to write more. I can write/post from my phone easily - what a time to be alive!

Losing Yourself, Finding Yourself & Redefining Motherhood

The Grammy's were a hot minute ago, I know. I've been ruminating on this post for a while and I finally decided it was time to sit down and write it. 

I missed some of the Grammy's. But, what I did NOT miss was Adele winning awards for Song of The Year, Artist of The Year and finally Album of The Year. Like, WHOA. Those are some big honors. She is very talented; and super cool, from what I have seen and heard about her. As she excitedly spoke her thank yous, she said something that really caught my attention. Here it follows in quotes:

"As you can see it took an army to make me strong and willing again enough to do it. But thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Five years ago, when I was last here, I also was pregnant, and I didn’t know. And I was awarded that shortly after — I found out shortly after, which was the biggest blessing of my life. And in my pregnancy and through becoming a mother I lost a lot of myself. And I’ve struggled, and I still do struggle being a mom. It’s really hard. But tonight winning this kind of feels full-circle, and like a bit of me has come back to myself."

Adele, Grammy award winning artist & extremely talented singer, said how hard it was to get back out there and make music again. Because she lost herself in motherhood. But, you and I can easily see how her purpose is to make music and how her talent would seem to be wasted, for lack of a better term. And, we can agree how CRAZY it would have been for her to not get back out there and make more beautiful music, right?

I know it's easy to lose yourself in the role of being a mom. You had things you did before the baby came along. And some of those things aren't even a blip on our radar after the baby arrives and motherhood hits us full force. I took time off from fitness stuff when I got married and then we got pregnant right away, so it ended up being a 5 year gap before I was ready to get back into the gym and take on clients and teach and do MY thing. I worked outside the home a bit during those 5 years, and I HATED office jobs. I am not a 8-5, sit at a desk kind of gal. I thrive in the less structured world of fitness, and I have a LOT of crazy to burn off while teaching multiple classes a week.

Some women have full careers inside an office. I am NOT knocking them. They are actually who I am talking about. You went to college, you made a career path choice, and sometimes becoming mom means staying at home with your kids. Sometimes it means giving up that corner office or that promotion. Sometimes it means working and being mommy full time. 

Putting on your mom hat makes it hard to wear your "Jodie" hat. (And, I assume you get that your hat would have your own name on it!) I liked to paint and play the bass guitar, once upon a time. And, no, not at the same time, in case you snarkily wondered. We sold that guitar in a garage sale when I was pregnant with Cade and I regret it. I would love to learn to play acoustic guitar now. And, I may very well do that eventually. 

It's important to take a step back and remember that you are someone's mom, yes, but you are also an individual with talents and a purpose. For now, that purpose may be to raise wonderful human beings (preferably ones that groom themselves well and listen to music WITH headphones when they're in public). Your purpose can evolve as time passes. You may find yourself returning to the studio and recording the album of the year again. 

Your family needs you. They need you to take care of yourself. Do things that bring you joy. Make time for you. A mommy friend of mine told me this:

"About a year after I had the baby and I was on the right medications, the fog lifted. And I remember thinking 'it's okay to take care of myself'. Taking care of myself mentally and physically makes me a better mom. I think it was on a birthday weekend, just my husband and I, when he looked at me and said 'I miss this'. That's when I knew deep down I had to make the time for us and me."

So, you may lose yourself in motherhood. That's OK. You will find yourself again. You may come out a bit different. Hey, my body changed with two pregnancies, and I bet yours did too. You may find your priorities have changed a little. You may find that you have MORE compassion, less judgement and more love. But, overall, redefine what motherhood means and make it your own. Stay home with your babies. Work a full time job outside the home. Work from home and take your kids to the daycare anyway. Start your own business and be your own boss. Make motherhood work for you. And, remember, you're "Mom" but you're also a totally kick butt woman who can do just about anything she wants in addition to being someone's mom.

Let Me (re)Introduce Myself

I wrote almost a month ago about how I wanted to write more. I have several reasons and I plan to delve into them, but I felt like the stepping stone should be to update a bit about where I am in life these days.

I started this blog in August of 2009, mostly because we were expecting our first baby and I wanted to document it. I did not really write much until after Gage was born. Then I wrote almost weekly and of course his first year of monthly letters are there in the 2010 files if you want to cry remembering when YOUR babies were babies. I read just a few posts and cried and promptly decided I want another baby.

So, here I am almost 8 years later, and I am committing to more posts. A lot has changed in 8 years. Cue the "last week on The Life of Jodie" announcer.

Curtis and I have a garage door repair business. I teach group fitness. Our boys are 7 and 5. We have a cat named Alfred and Harold the Bassett Hound, and my favorite son: Mister Belvedere the English Bulldog. Yes, I said my favorite son. I say that in front of my kids too. They know I'm joking. (or am I?)

I enjoy cooking (but not cleaning) and reading hilarious things on the internet. I would love to be considered one of the hilarious things people read on the internet. I would also love to make a difference now and then. Mother Theresa said "If you want to change the world, go home and love your family." Well, sometimes they're not so lovable.... I'm kidding! I know I am called to love and make an impact on my family, and I do that work every day. But, I have recently had a clear calling to use my pain for God's purpose. He can use my mess for a message. That is the long reason I have finally gotten back on here to write.

If you look back through my older posts, you can read here and there about my struggles with post partum depression and having been a victim of sexual abuse. Motherhood is hard when you're perfectly healthy. When you have a history of depression, the changes during pregnancy can bring those same issues up and even magnify them. When you have past hurts, being a parent can be a struggle as you look at your children and KNOW you could never hurt them or allow anyone to hurt them. There will certainly be some heavier, meatier posts about unpacking traumas and hurts and all sorts of other issues. There will also be some silly, light-hearted and extremely sarcastic posts.

I don't consider this a "mommy blog". I am a mom, yes, but I have a lot of other hats I wear. I don't consider this a "lifestyle blog". I won't be writing about DIY anything. Unless it's DIY ear plugs to drown out the noises of your children asking for dinner. I like to share recipes. I like to share fitness stuff. But, this won't be a fitness blog either. Maybe it will just fall into  the "un-categorized" list. Labels are for soup cans anyway.

So, I have kids and a husband and some pets. I have issues. Let's talk about our issues together!

Lady Gaga, Body Shaming, & Modesty

If you happen to live under a rock and you missed the Super Bowl LI Half Time Show, then you can watch the highlights here and come back to finish the rest of this post.

Everyone on the same page? Ok, so I promised more writing and this seems like a perfect topic for today's post. There has been some ridiculous commentary on Lady Gaga's body, specifically her stomach during the half time performance. She is in amazing shape. As a fitness professional, the amount of endurance she exhibited during that show was impressive to say the least. Dancing, singing, being "on" and never stumbling, missing a note and THANKFULLY no wardrobe malfunctions. Amazing job. Not that she will ever read this, but LG, you rocked that halftime performance!

People like to sit behind their keyboards and say ugly things on the internet. That should NOT be news to anyone reading this. It's very easy to be a bully with the protection of the world wide web between us. Lots of people have made comments about Lady Gaga's stomach that gently overlapped her sparkly shorts. Like, I wish people with six pack abs would all post a picture of themselves wearing a pair of tight waist banded pants and show that skin isn't always taught, no matter how impressive your abs are. I have some loose skin (and a little extra pudge) over a VERY strong core. Could I have a flatter tummy? Of course. But I like pizza and cupcakes.

It's ridiculous to read all the vitriol spewed over how a woman looks. It's rampant. It's everywhere. Body shaming is a common word because of it. The majority of the people saying rude things about Lady Gaga probably wouldn't look nearly as amazing as she did in her show outfits. I know I could not rock the leotard bottom or sparkly shorts she had on right now. I hope she is not sitting at home trying to remind herself that she is beautiful and talented after reading that. Even if she didn't look amazing in her outfits, it would not matter. She is talented, she put on an amazing performance, she was completely non-divisive & she should be applauded for that. (I hear she lives for it. HA!)

In the same thread of body shaming, I was treated like a bad Christian for applauding her performance. And, what I said was "she did a great job. what a great showman" essentially. I made no moral statement. I made no comment on her pantsless-ness. I made no comment on her midriff baring top. Because, it's a costume on a performer. She doesn't even perform under her real name.  It's a persona, a character she puts on and entertains with. We applaud gymnasts in leotards, olympic swimmers in speedos, and volleyball players in bikinis. Their talent and performance is more important than what they're wearing and it's a part of what they put on for their "show".

I personally don't think there was anything wrong with what she wore. There was nothing wrong with her physical appearance at all. Would I wear something like that on TV? Lord, help me, no. But do I wear a two piece swimsuit? Eh, the jury is still out on that one for this summer, but I WOULD if I wanted to. Do I wear pants in public? Yes. Do I hate pants? Yes. Do I prefer leggings? Yes. You get my point. I don't think she was immodest or inappropriate. I don't think she should be shamed for a roll of skin along her waist line.

 I don't think we should be so quick to judge others based on our own personal feelings. And, if someone is being immoral or unbiblical? Still not my business. I have a few close people I have given permission to admonish me when I step out of line as a believer. I have people I weigh my concerns against. You should have those people in your life too, if you're a Christian.

I tend to dress on the modest side. That's how I was raised. I grew up in the Baptist church. "Below the knee, above reproach" was a half-joke about the length of shorts and dresses for us girls. I've had my husband ask me to dress LESS modestly, because I cover up. Am I wearing sequin booty shorts in public? No. Would I wear them at home alone with my husband? You bet. I hold myself to a Biblical standard of modesty, and I think that can vary from person to person, based on your personal relationship with Christ. Also, let's face it, some bustier ladies can't help how their chest looks in a shirt that is perfectly modest.

So, let's quit judging and be supportive. And leave Lady Gaga alone. She looks amazing.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I turned 32 last month and I woke up that Saturday morning wishing deeply to have this calm, collected peace. (pipe dreams, right?) I also wished that I would finally commit to writing every day because I want to improve my skills. And, that takes practice. Even with writing. So, that means you get to read the terrible blog posts that will be the gateway to my national best seller. You're welcome.
So, some of these posts might be rambling, but I am working on writing a LOT this year. Buckle up.

I am sitting here doing computer work at my desk because my laptop battery won't keep a charge and must stay plugged in to work. It's essentially a desktop PC now. Yes, I could order a battery from Amazon, but I would rather whine about it and do nothing instead. Also, I would rather spend that $35 on coffee and leggings.

Anyway, I pulled a VERY old journal (that's grown up talk for my diary, y'all) from my desk that is literally from my first week of marriage. Cue the awkward. The main thing I read aside from all the gross, I-am-SOOOOOO-happy-blah-blah-blah-cuteness is the feeling of disappointment I expressed as well. No, it was not disappointment in my sex life. I had been dreaming of my fairy tale for 23 years, and when it came true, reality set in. You're like Cinderella AFTER midnight. Your fairy tale day ends and life is back to normal and all of a sudden you have a new title and a new set of real expectations from another person. I cried a lot the first year of marriage. Not because Curtis was a terrible husband, but because life was different and I was adjusting.

The build up of a very special day is a large part of the excitement. Now, we had a small wedding and invited family only. There were a whole lot of factors in that decision and I promise I will post about that in another full post. So, it was not months of planning and anticipation. But, like I said, YEARS of dreaming about marrying my prince charming. Oh, and adorable newlyweds: your prince or princess will definitely have their ogre moments. So, practice grace and maybe learn how to make their favorite cocktail or dessert. Sugar and alcohol can smooth out some rough edges on a bad day. Grace helps a whole lot too!

So, what's this post really about? I got married, it was great, It was also sad and weird and everyone now knows you've had sex, even if you did not wait until marriage anyway. So weird. But, the memory lane trips are good reminders of how much we loved each other then, and how much our love has grown and matured since. My 24 year old love for my husband is vastly different than my 32 year old love for him. We have conquered the world in the past 8 years. Life has beaten us up and given us trouble and God has given us love and grace to cover the multitude of sins against each other and two beautiful, healthy (slightly smelly) boys and a business that pays the bills and allows us freedom to spend a lot of time as a family.

We bring a lot of hurts and baggage and weird habits into a marriage. And sometimes it meshes well and sometimes it doesn't at first. But, we can remind ourselves of the things we love about our spouse and be SO THANKFUL WE ARE NOT 24 YEARS OLD ANYMORE. 

Thanksgiving Break-ing My Grasp on Sanity

It's day 2 of Thanksgiving break and I have already sold one of my children. Bet you can't guess which one. Just wait til Thursday when we post our Turkey Day family pic and you'll see which one is missing.

I'm super thankful for a lot of things, but mostly it's that our city recently went "wet" and there are now TWO liquor stores very close to my house and they have good prices on their Tequila. And that Curtis doesn't ever tell me it's too early to be pouring wine if I ask if it's too early.

Can I just say, I totally wish I was into $25 lipstick and stuff. And, Curtis would love it if I wore lipstick, but I am more of a coffee and leggings kinda girl when it comes to throwing down cash for goods. I've had a ton of people talking about make up on Facebook, and I love to watch their videos of them applying it. (I also am addicted to watching those sped up recipe videos, even if it's stuff I would never make.) I am just NOT a make up artist. The only reason I try new stuff is because of my monthly Ipsy glam bag. And it only took me like 20 years of applying make up to figure out how to use liquid eye liner. Don't ask if I can do the swoopy/cat eye thing.

The boys have only nearly broken each other's arm once so far, which is a total win in my book. And, I only yelled loud enough for the neighbors to hear about 5 times.

I am just praying we make it to Friday.

My Heart Hurts

Like much of Dallas, I am heart broken for the police officers who lives were lost last week at the peaceful protest in downtown Dallas. A protest by people who were protesting because THEIR hearts hurt for the black men's lives lost the previous week.

Here I am. Just a 30-something middle class white lady. I know I will never be profiled at the airport or at a traffic stop. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't hurt when it happens to other people.

My heart hurts every time I see another civilian killed by law enforcement. It hurts when I think of the officers killed in retaliation. It hurts when I think of how my 6 year old has wanted to be a police officer since he could declare a future occupation and now that scares me. It hurts when I admit that I was a little scared thinking about heading downtown to teach Tuesday. My heart hurts for the friend I saw on Facebook posting about how she will have to prep her black son for when he's 16, driving and eventually gets pulled over by a cop.

I feel like I haven't put much into words about the deaths of black men by police officers, because what can I say that doesn't sound like a clueless 30-something white girl? What do I know of racism? What do I know of being treated differently? No, I cannot empathize with the black community, but my heart hurts for you.

I am not married to a civil servant. Sure, my husband can get hurt at work, but the worst he's had has been a broken leg. I never have to worry about him being shot on the job. I cannot empathize with the families of the police officers killed, but my heart hurts for them.

I just ache for the hatred to stop. I want so badly for everyone to love and be loved. And, I realize we live in a fallen world. That won't ever really happen. But, at least we can hope for changes and pray for peace.

In light of recent hot topics: What about our boys?

We have two boys. They're little still. They have a wonderful man as their role model and father. There has been a lot of discussion about women and young girls being unsafe in public restrooms because of the transgender bathroom topic. I am NOT here to discuss that topic. What has been on my mind is the idea that we are treating all men as if they're uncontrolled, wild animals waiting to attack a female. That bothers me. Hear me out.

A little background: I was a victim of sexual abuse in my early childhood. I grew up being somewhat overly concerned about my safety around men. Ones that I knew and ones that I didn't. Because I learned that even someone who is suppose to love you can hurt you. Rightfully so, I was apprehensive walking to my car in the dark, being alone with someone who could easily overpower me, or having an attacker waiting in my backseat. But, even if I had not experienced it for myself, I would still have been told to BEWARE OF STRANGE MEN. I keep my keys handy, I look around and make sure I am aware of my surroundings. I think about what I have in my hands that could be a weapon, or look for an easy escape route if I feel unsafe. I've been taught to not get too comfortable in the world when I am all alone. 

I've attended meetings about self defense for women. I've heard police officers speak about safety and how to avoid being a target for an attacker. Heck, my own husband tells me to watch out and be aware of my surroundings every time I head out the door to Kroger.  

All the (albeit ridiculous) discussion of men pretending to be women to take advantage of the new bathroom laws and rape women in the bathrooms has got me thinking. I know a TON of great men who would never ever hurt anyone like that. In fact, it's safe to say there are exponentially more men on the planet who would never attack/rape/kidnap/roofie a woman than those who would. So, I asked my husband:

"Does it offend you in any way that all men are looked at like potential threats to women?" I clarified with an anecdote. "Does it bother you that if you were walking behind a woman in the Kroger parking lot that she has probably been told to consider you a threat to her safety and be suspicious of you?" And, he said no. He said he would, in fact, go out of his way to be non-threatening. Make noise, jingle his keys, so that she knows he is there and isn't trying to be sneaky. And I just kind of looked at him. It had not occurred to me before that a kind, normal dude like him would have to worry about scaring a woman in a parking lot. Simply because he is a man. 

As a mom of boys, it saddens me to think that they will grow up being treated as a potential threat to the safety of women around them, simply because they're male. It's our job to make sure to raise men who would always be kind and loving and never hurt anyone. Male or female. 

I am not trying to start a gender discussion so much as take a hard look at the impact a fallen world has on our day to day actions and reactions to something as simple as my husband walking in a a parking lot or my son taking a girl on a date (in like 25 years when I allow that). It hurts my heart that as women we have to constantly be on our guard for attackers, and that the men we love have to constantly be on their guard to not look like an attacker. 

Trust me, sexual assault is more real than anyone would like to imagine. Rainn.org states that every 107 seconds another American is assaulted. And that's ONE country in our world. That works out to be about 293,000 victims of sexual assault every year. Those are just the ones that are reported!!!! Also, that's not just women. Men are victims of sexual assault and even LESS likely to report it. In fact, 68% of assaults go unreported to the police. 

It's not a gender issue. It's a heart issue. There are horrible, evil people in the world. We all have to be on guard. I hate that innocence is stolen, women walk around scared, and good, normal,  men walk around hoping no one thinks they're a rapist while they're getting milk at the grocery store or pumping gas late at night. So, yes, I am concerned for my gender's safety. Also, what about our boys? 

Peace, Pizza & Prosecco

I should totally be taking a shower and going to bed on time tonight. But, I feel like a new post was needed.

I have been doing a Bible reading plan about the fruits of the spirit. Today's reading was about Peace. I needed that. It's strange to me, though it's been a consistent occurrence for most of my life...it's strange to me every time I have an obvious word from God about something that I needed. I don't believe in coincidence or luck. I love seeing how perfectly timed God's timing is. I needed some reminding about peace and it was the Bible reading that was next for me today. 

You might know I had another blog about my attempt at Whole30. I did not successfully complete a full 30 days. I have some goals I keep putting off. I tell myself I will start after we move. And let me tell you, we will be lucky if we move with all of our things because I have packed like 4.3 boxes so far and we move in 27 days. Packing an entire house is a lot of work. I'll attempt to get some more done this weekend. I think I will pack the pots and pans first so I am off the hook for cooking the rest of the month. We can eat anything that can be baked for the remainder of our time here. :)

Since my healthy eating/working out all by myself stuff isn't starting til June, I had pizza and a glass of wine last night. Oh gosh. I rarely drink. Really. Alcohol is a depressant, and I don't like the way it makes me feel. But, I had been wanting a glass of Prosecco (read: I pretend it's champagne and I am fancy) so I bought a bottle and had one small glass and fell asleep on the couch at 10pm. Because I am such a rock star partier, you can see.

My friend Stephanie introduced me to Prosecco after Cade was born, and I have not looked back. It makes me feel fancy like I am drinking champagne. I think in order to be called champagne, it has to be from a certain place and/or made with specific grapes. Here's my official answer for pizza and wine pairing: I don't know much about wine and I will literally eat any pizza you offer me. I CAN give you actual nutrition and an exercise program that will help you though. 

That being said, I will be hosting a challenge group starting in a few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled for that info and think about joining me! 

Peace, Acceptance & A Birthday

     The past two weeks or so I have been struggling with accepting where I felt God leading me. I have said NO to a lot of things; cut way back on commitments outside the home. In fact, I even caught myself starting to send an email in response to a studio that I saw hiring and I literally had to stop myself and say "WHAT are you doing, Jodie?!". I have this fear of missing out on something. Like, I want to do ALL the things and teach ALL the classes. 

CHASE ALL THE RABBITS...and catch none.

     I had a moment on Tuesday... 18 months of teaching a Tuesday night cycle class that has been "mine" since the cycle studio opened at The Fed...I gave up that class once I found out we were moving farther north, father away from downtown. This past Tuesday was the first day my friend took over teaching it. And, as I was sitting at home with Curtis, waiting to head to pick up the boys from their two different schools, I realized I didn't have to come home, change and leave within 45 minutes of picking up Gage. And, I sighed a little. It's not that I don't miss those people. Because I do. We became friends and we shared little parts of our lives and updated each other on big events every time we got together to ride. But, I realized that my kids and Curtis have needed me a lot more than I have allowed myself to think about. 

     Y'all know what denial is. I have been in denial about how much more I could have been doing for my family, had I not been so tied up with teaching. Because we don't just show up and wing it. We practice, plan, compile playlists, test the work. I won't waste energy feeling sad over any potential time I lost with my kids. Because we all have to work outside the home sometimes. Maybe I could have worked less, but it took time for me to slowly peel back the layers. If Curtis had been insistent that I drop everything, I'm sure I would have been more resistant to change. 

     The real moment I had on Tuesday was realizing Curtis had worked really hard to provide for us, to allow me to stay home and help him by answering phones and handling the office-y work, and that I could allow MYSELF a chance to relax a bit. I breathed a big sigh of relief and that "moment" was me settling back into the mom/wife role and focusing on my family first again. That acceptance of taking the weight off my shoulders, giving it to God and letting my soul find peace in my newly defined purpose. 

ALSO CURTIS IS TURNING 40 AND HE WON'T LET ME HAVE A PARTY FOR HIM. SO ALL I CAN DO IS WRITE ABOUT IT HERE AND ON FACEBOOK TOMORROW. HERE IS A PICTURE OF TINY CURTIS FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE. 

He probably won't even read this blog post. :)

Surrender, A Sabbatical & Saying No

I want to be able to say I'm a blogger on my Instagram profile. Like, it's probably ridiculous to write, but I do. I love the blog world and thinking maybe something I say would connect with another woman as she read it.

I thrive on connecting with people. I am a true extrovert who gets fulfillment from meeting people and talking and having "a moment" with them. Curtis and I were discussing how he loathes sharing his business with the world and I get that he doesn't have the same drive to "be an open book" like I do. Because being an open book allows me to connect with others. He's a true introvert and being around people drains him completely. And, he requires a chance to recharge before he can offer more connection. This is just one of the innumerable ways we are polar opposites. It's really nice to not have someone who is trying to hog my spotlight though. I kid.

I also want to be able to teach a billion classes a week, have a beautiful, well cleaned home (ya know, by paid help) and delicious Whole30/Paleo/Organic/Made with Love meals for my family every day. Oh, and of course run the garage door business business with Curtis. It's grown so much that I need to give a whole lot more of my energy to it.

Reality: I have been called to Surrender the things that only feed my ego, take a sabbatical from teaching/working except for less than a handful of classes a week, and say no to everything other than my family and my personal workouts.

It's been a couple of weeks of struggle, but God has certainly shown me that I need to focus on energies into just a few things and stop chasing so many rabbits. There's a Russian Proverb that says:

"If you chase two rabbits, you won't catch either of them".

Well, I think I'll keep writing when I can; after I do the things I know are my God-given, purposed priorities.

I woke up in backwards underwear

Well, Gage started this week with a cough. It wasn't too bad. He never felt or acted sick or run down. Curtis was sick before the weekend, pretty badly with a fever and chills and a sore throat. So, I was really glad Gage didn't experience that.

Wednesday, Cade went to take his nap and had a little cough that woke him up a couple of times. And, by yesterday afternoon, I could tell he was run down and had a fever at dinner. We gave him medicine and put him to bed in our bed.

He then proceeded to have a really rough night of waking up, coughing, being miserable, getting medicine and water and he eventually peed out of his diaper, all over me. I got up (AGAIN) to change my clothes and thinking I had grabbed clothes from my drawer, I put on some pajama shorts. Then, OF COURSE, there are no clean sheets to change the bed with (because I ran out of laundry soap yesterday and did not feel pressed to get more in the less than 30 degree temps), I grabbed towels to soak up the pee, then put more folded towels over the wet spot and tried to go back to sleep.

Have you ever tried to sleep NEAR what you know is potentially a wet puddle of pee in your bed? It's not too restful. I tried sleeping near the edge so Cade was inside, up high enough to not be in the pee spot and I was close enough to rub his back or tummy if he was moving around miserably moaning.

Cue my 4:20am alarm for Boot Camp. I hit snooze for 5 mins. I couldn't do it. Cade was restless still, audibly sucking his fingers and unsuccessfully trying to breathe through his nose. And I could barely whisper. My voice was like the crypt keeper. I messaged my chicks that I would have to owe them a session. I HATE THAT! I hate letting down my clients. But, this time, I had to handle the kiddos.

So, we all sleep in til like 8am which is unheard of in this house. Maybe someone sleeps til 7 if they're a little extra tired. My kids don't sleep in. I married an early bird (who thankfully isn't a chatty early bird - they're the worst) and gave birth to early birds. Cade will stay in bed to cuddle, but Gage and Curtis are out of bed as soon as they're up.

I stumble into the living room because Curtis was leaving for work and I knew the boys were in the living room already - lo and behold, I am NOT wearing my own pajama shorts, but rather a pair of Curtis's boxers...backwards.

Obviously, I blindly dug through the wrong drawer at 3am and ya know what....just HAPPY FRIDAY Y'ALL.

It came in like a wrecking ball!

We brought in the New Year with an actual midnight kiss this year. It might be the first time we made it to midnight together. We had the BEST anniversary celebration since we got married. Maybe that sounds sad...but, we've had a ton of stuff going on over the past 5 anniversaries that kept us from having a super exciting time. In fact, it dawned on me that we've never had an anniversary without kids. We got married in December 2008, then had Gage in December of 2009, a couple of weeks before our anniversary.

We went to Cru (Wine Bar in Allen) to have dinner and a delicious bottle of wine. We aren't big wine drinkers. Well, Curtis isn't. I only have a glass of wine or a single drink on occasion since alcohol and teaching 50 billion classes at the gym every week aren't a great combo. Anyway, we actually had our wedding dinner at Cru in Plano, so it was totally awesome to go back to celebrate last night. It was a spur of the moment idea. Thankfully they had room for us, sans reservation. Shout out to Cru in Allen for being totally awesome and helping us celebrate last night!

I have joined a couple of accountability groups to improve my spiritual fitness. First of all, Beth Moore's Scripture Memory Team 2015! Join us there if you're interested!! Also, Michelle Myers over at She Works His Way is doing a yearly Bible reading plan you can join and follow along with. Today is John chapter 1. Just a chapter. That's all.

My first scripture to memorize (we will be doing 24 verses of our own choosing) is Galations 6:9 "Do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." & I have not actually done my January 1 bible reading yet, but there is time!

If you have known me only over the past couple of years, this may seem slightly different than you have known of me. It's really easy to say you're a believer and attribute good things to the Lord and ask for His direction occasionally through prayer. I had a serious discussion with myself as I turned 30 last month and I can openly admit that my walk with Jesus has been on the back burner for far too long. I will share in another separate post about that since I feel like it deserves its own.

Basically, this is a new year for all of us. I just turned 30, so I feel even more inclined to live my life more intentionally. Let's make it count!

2014 is out the door!

Whew!!!!! I am fighting off something....germs...allergies (in December, why not?) and have very little voice left. Curtis loves those days - I HAVE to talk less because my voice is tired. But, today we are celebrating the upcoming new year just like everyone else. Additionally, we celebrate SIX years of marriage today.

Six years, five addresses, four dogs (just one with us now), three and a half years of Everything Garage Doors running full time on it's own, two kids, and one rollercoaster ride I wouldn't have wanted to ride with anyone else. I could have had a MUCH more boring life, but life as an Avary has been full of passion. The good kind and the bad kind. :)

We have a five year old and a 2 1/2 year old, I just turned 30, we are both running our own businesses and living our dream of making our own schedule. We have learned to continually trust the Lord for our provision and He has really blessed us both this year with a growing business and healthy kids. Let me just tell you, I don't do fitness for the money. Everything Garage Doors does the bill paying, and my sweat pays for other stuff.

I launched my Texas Fit Chicks boot camp this past July, and it's been such a fun time working with these ladies. I've watched them transform their bodies and put themselves first (5am Boot Camp is NOT for the faint of heart!) and become more awesome chicks! I am looking forward to expanding that business in 2015. Email me for the details if you're interested Jodie@texasfitchicks.com.

Our big boy started Pre-K this past August. As I predicted, he loves school! He gets in a little trouble here and there, but he enjoys learning and I love seeing him thrive. I know he will be ready for Kindergarten next fall....but, of course, we're not speaking of that right now. ACK! Really, he is starting school. I am not ready for that.

Cade is not a baby anymore. He talks (back) and uses the big boy potty and has transitioned into a big boy bed. He is SO different from Gage, yet still so much alike. Not having grown up around siblings, it's such an interesting experience seeing the relationship they have. Oh, and letting them wrestle without worrying too much - that's a challenge!

I could go a lot more in depth about 2014, but I'll wrap up this post for now. Be sure to go check out my Fitness blog Pursuing Fitness!

A little of this, a little of that, and BOOM! Greens Facial!

As I have said before, you can check out any and all products discussed in this blog post at My It Works! Website . Additionally, you can find my Facebook page for It Works! here.

I wrote about how much I love the Confianza from It Works! earlier this month. Now, I would like to tell you about my favorite "secret" product from It Works!

I have had skin issues as an adult. Seriously, I was darn near 20 and a junior in college when I started breaking out in some horrible twist of fate. I slid through high school with only a couple of blemishes each month around that lovely hormone cycle called the Circle of Life.

Anyway, since having my precious children, who ruined my belly skin with stretch marks but cleared up my face for the most part, I am back to breaking out monthly. I take INCREDIBLY obsessive care of my skin and have started using what we call the Greens Facial a couple times during my breakouts. It's a simple combo of the Greens and the Defining Gel. Mix them together to make a little gel mask and slather on that face. Wear for 45 mins (or overnight, in the last two cases of my own use!) while it dries and then wash off. It's a bit tingly from the Defining Gel, and it smells LOVELY from the Berry flavored Greens. The Citrus flavored Greens are also delish!

Bonus, you will be using the Greens and Defining Gel for their originally intended uses anyway, so you might as well make a mask and get a little extra out of it!

I totally love that it looks like I have a unibrow. Curtis is such a lucky man!

90 Day Update

I looked at saw that it was the beginning of November since my last blog post.  I know that my need to write is usually tied up in how I am feeling. Overwhelmed. I wrote a LOT after Gage was born, because as I openly discussed, I was dealing with some post partum depression.

Now, this is not my "Cry for Help" post. I just realize that I am kind of OVER the baby phase we have lived in the last three years. Like, I LOVE having my boys, and I know I should bite my tongue before complaining about how much they require because there are so many women who never get to experience this, but as Gage gets older, I am appreciating that he can put his own shoes on and typically can tell me what he wants/needs. Oh, and understands when mommy needs a "time out" for herself.

Cade is screeching and getting into everything and it's exhausting trying to corral him. He babbles words now and then, but he prefers to use squawking as a means to communicate. As we draw VERY close to his first birthday - just a little more than 2 months way - I feel like doing a dance. I am still TWO YEARS away from being 30 and am DONE with the baby phase. I still have a lot of time left to be with my husband and watch my kids grow up into people and just enjoy life after surviving the world of babies.

I suggested some form of permanent baby prevention to Curtis. Let's just say I am no longer allowed to use the word "vasectomy" in our home. He responds to this suggestion as if I kicked him directly in his aforementioned area. So I am all, fine tie up my tubes and let's move on. But he's even against that! Like "What Dr will do that to a 28 yr old? You shouldn't make that decision until you're like 35." Let's pretend there are not some deep seated chauvinistic tones to that comment and get to the real point here: Curtis is still flirting with the idea of having another baby sometimes. At this point, I will be ready to go all Sister Wives and find another mommy to have that baby. I know I am putting myself out there for a lot of ridicule if I end up pregnant again, but I think the Lord knows my heart and knows that I am not mentally capable of handling another child. I will be checking myself in to somewhere with padded rooms and those nice jackets that tie in the back.

Anyway, I am starting to understand why so many moms go back to school. Once your kids are of a certain age, you kind of need SOMETHING to do after the first three weeks of "Me Time". Like, when they need you so little in comparison to the baby stage, you sort of need to re-purpose your life if you weren't doing something along with raisin' them babies. 

My pre-children love was Group Exercise. Which is ironic considering I am completely OUT of shape even though I am approximately 5-10 lbs more than I was prior to kids. I am just ready to get a little more purpose now that Cade is almost a year old and Gage is a mere two years away from starting Kindergarten (cue my anxiety attack here). I am mentally prepping for getting back in shape and teaching hopefully by summer. Who knows. But, at least I have my wheels turning.

The boys are absolutely precious (usually) and I am crazy about my husband (most of the time). Now, on to find something for Me.

Day Seven

Today I am thankful for my job at FBC Plano. I work about 25 hours a week between the two programs and I am able to see my kids during MDO - and go nurse my little monster who gives the proverbial middle finger to drinking from a bottle. And, since I work in the afternoons from 3-6 every day, the boys stay home with Curtis who has changed his schedule to allow me to work without needing childcare. So, I am able to make enough money to make a difference, but my babies are with us and not in a full time day care all day.

Side note: MDO is a great two day a week program for babies 6 weeks to Pre-K and your kids will love it - and you can have a little break too! Check out Mother's Day Out in Plano

Day Six

I am SO thankful for online banking and online bill pay. If I had to mail checks and payments places, we would never have electricity and I would probably overdraft the bank account weekly. Technology can be a blessing like that!