Sunday, May 29, 2011

What exhausts me the most...

So,it's been crazy at home with my beloved soul mate and our precious offspring...and three dogs and our recent decision to move the dining table into the office and the computer desk into the living room. We decided it was easier to stay on top of marketing and business with the computer in the room we spend the most time. It annoyed me to have Curtis be in the 3rd bedroom we used as an office on the computer while I wrestled the 4 creatures underfoot.

We've spent a ridiculous amount of time together over the past few weeks since it's been slow going with new business. Let me just say, I am learning to fake being nice to even my husband some days. I know he doesn't love ALL the quality time we've had either...except he doesn't yet know how to fake being nice.

What exhausts me the most is the non=stop juggling of everything at once.Grocery shopping is no longer a time to hang out alone...Curtis wants to get out of the house too. Peeing has never been a solo event for me, but it's now an Avary family reunion every time I sit down. And, here I thought that with my husband home more, I would shower more...well, cross that off the list of things I thought would be different. I think I shower my defense, so does he! Awesome. No worries about baby #2 showing up sooner than we plan.

The thing that balances it all out is that we are DOING SOMETHING. For ourselves and for our future. We're working to leave something behind that counts. A business for our children to have and continue if they choose to.


This past week, I was suppose to go to a sort of working interview for a part time job on Wednesday morning. After a lot of agonizing, I decided to turn it down and did not go to the interview because it sounded great, but part time would not have been as beneficial to us as I had hoped. So, when I should have been at the interview, I ended up getting a phone call from a recruiter about a job I had applied for through their job posting site. She set up an interview with me for Friday morning.

I drove downtown to meet her at her office about a job with their client in Allen. That's how it works. You have to meet them first, and then they send your resume, and you hopefully go for a second interview at the actual office where you'll work. And, I did have one. I went that same afternoon and met with HR, and a direct manager, and they hired me on the spot. I could tell they liked me, and I really liked them too. They had two positions available, and they even asked me which I would prefer since they felt I would be a good fit. And, here's the kicker: I think my experience in the home repair service industry with our garage door repair business helped me the most. They liked that I had experience negotiating and getting bids for home repairs.

The Lord made it pretty obvious to me at that moment. The peace I had been looking for about working was evident. It's SO close to home. I have made arrangements for Baby Gage to be cared for by two people I absolutely love (Brittany, and my sister in law Miranda). They're taking a couple of days a piece so that no one gets stuck with our bundle of energy every single day. It's a lot to ask, I feel. He can be pretty difficult sometimes. What am I saying? ALL THE TIME. He's at 100% ALL DAY LONG. He doesn't do anything halfway. HE'S EXHAUSTING!

But, I digress (of course, every conversation or blog from me is just a bunch of rabbit chasing bunched together to seem like a flowing experience). Everything is ready to go. Except I'm a little sad because I've been with my baby since he was born. I think he's at an age where he's old enough to be away from me for a while every day. He's incredibly social and loves his friends and family. I just feel at peace about it. Health insurance after about 90 days sounds great too. Baby #2 anyone? :)

So, I'm going back to work. I feel good about it. I have lots of new fun stuff for Gage like new forks and spoons and Disney tupperware for his lunches. He's going to have a blast playing. And, I am going to rock this new job, our business will grow exponentially, and we will spend our time thanking Jesus for all He's done in our lives.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It's All Cyclical

Last year around this time I was going back to work. I went to work one day, and decided I couldn't leave my precious 5 month old baby.You can read about it here.
It's not lost on me that even though that last post was on a Monday, that the DATE IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS TODAY'S DATE. Cue The Twilight Zone theme song.

This time around, we've launched out on our own with our Garage Door Repair Business and Curtis is working for only himself. We've been making a lot of advancements growing our business, but it's still a little stressful. And, it would be nice if we had some more capital to help get things going strong. Also, I would love to have reasonably priced health insurance for all of us instead of just Gage. Thank the Lord we've all been well.

So, I decided to start looking for a job and posted my updated resume online. Basically, I'm thinking about going back to work, again. This time, however, I am not going to chicken out and quit after one day. I was suppose to have an interview for a job that's doing EXACTLY what I did before I had Gage and started being a stay at home mommy. But, in one day's time, the girl who was leaving decided to stay and therefore they no longer needed a replacement.

So, I spent our last MOPS meeting in tears thinking it was my last MOPS meeting ever, and I could've been not so stressed out. Because, yes, I am still looking for a job, but it's not like it's starting Monday.

I will definitely miss my big boy. But, he's a lot bigger now. He will be staying with Brittany (and Hannah & Noah) to play while we work - and I couldn't be happier with that option. She takes the kids places, and has more motherhood experience than I do. So, it's pretty ideal. And Gage LOVES them.

But, business has picked up a little (as in people are calling because there for about a week we didn't get any calls and I wondered if my phone was broken. It was like being in high school and waiting for that boy to call. Yes, I did a little bit of that. I mostly had a serious boyfriend after the age of 15 so I wasn't heartsick sitting by the phone a whole lot) and I feel a smidgen better. I know it's about trusting God, and battling Satan's attacks, but that doesn't make it all that simple to handle each and every day.

I certainly have thought and even said to Curtis "I am at the edge of what I can handle right now." Of course, God won't bring us to something that He won't go through with us. Knowing the outcome sure would make things more manageable. I have a frustratingly good memory and I have that constant voice in my head that quotes Scripture in the middle of my fears and doubts. I have a verse or bible based song lyric for just about anything one might struggle with in life. And it's on a record that plays the appropriate phrase at the most opportune time. Perhaps that's what we call the Holy Spirit at work.

So, it's mid-May and I'm thinking about working. And, I would love a part time job. Of course, a full time job with benefits would be acceptable. However, I am simply unclear as to what God's plan is in all of this. All I know is God is God and I am NOT.

I have little to no insight as to what I should be doing. All I know is that I am going to TRY and find a job and the Lord knows if I get an offer that I will take it. So, I am trusting Him to not let anyone offer me a job if that's not what I am suppose to do. And praying for wisdom and inspiration for growing our business and getting customers. And, praying for peace.

Just do me a favor. If you live in the metroplex and you have a garage door or opener related issue...CALL ME!!!!!!! 214-228-1316

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Gage: Seventeen Month Letter

Dear Wild-ling,

Your 17 months of life coincides with Mother's Day this year. This is officially my second Mother's Day, though technically it's my third because I knew I was pregnant with you in May of 2009. Today you were pretty much as good as I could have hoped for. You slept til 8am (such a great gift in and of itself!!) and we went to church, had lunch, and you took a good afternoon nap for me. You are so wild and crazy these days that it makes up for the horrendous fits you're throwing when you don't get your way. So, here's what's new with you.

You now have 12 teeth completely in. I can see your little canines are slowly coming in on the bottom because your little gums are swollen and you had a bit of a fever last weekend before the gums really started looking painful. I imagine they'll be here by your next letter.

You are starting to thin down a little and really look more like a boy and less like a baby. My, God, the WORDS!!! The words you're saying. You repeat everything now. You said "love you" the first time this week when your dad and I were exchanging "goodbye's" and "i love you's" as he left for work one morning. Today I got you to slowly repeat "Happy Mommy Day" to me, one word at a time. You also said "Happy Grandma Day" to my mom when we called to say Happy Mother's Day to her.

You also repeated "Shit" 5 or 6 times in the kitchen after I let it slip in front of you. We've decided to ignore it and not make a big deal of it as we learned our lesson about reacting to things we don't really want you to do again and again, especially in public. (Because sometime in the last month you were slapping your legs in the bath tub, and then starting slapping your little package and I was so surprised that I think my reaction got your attention and you ran around the house after your bath slapping your whole crotch while we tried not to cringe or laugh.)

I can't even begin to list all the words you know and things you can say. You know lots of animals,and you're learning their sounds. You like to "count" or "spell" things as we count your toes or spell words you understand when you're around. Like when I tell your dad I don't want you to know I left your "b-l-a-n-k-i-e" at home and I hope you don't notice. Your version of counting is pointing and making different sounds as you touch each object or thing. And the abc's and spelling are similar. You're just repeating the idea of different sounds in song or rhythm.

I sat you on your little potty chair for the first time this week. You have been trying to back up to the toilet and sit when I say I have to go to the bathroom and you follow me in there. And you say "potty", you're aware of being wet, and you tell me when you're poopy.

You are getting much more difficult to manage. This mostly means we are having to discipline you more than ever. I get it though. You're part me, and part your dad. The odds are stacked against you in the stubborn department. Thank God there's two of us and only one of you!

But, in the same measure of you being difficult, you're also growing sweeter. You love to give kisses and cuddle more. You're quick to give a kiss if you accidently hurt me or I act upset with how you're treating me. You love to play with us and by yourself.

We've taken you to play in the water a couple of times now, and you're just ridculously happy by it. I know I will be taking you as often as I can to play at the splash pads and pool.

I think you're pretty damn smart. I know I'm your mom, but other people comment on your vocabulary and I am constantly surprised by what you recognize and remember, I swear the weirdest thing happened today at lunch. We went to Panera for my lunch choice. The one that your grandma and I took you to several months ago. Like before you turned one. Today we walked in the door and you took off and walked right up to the same table we had sat at inside of Panera with your grandma. I was pretty shocked. You walked through and around several tables and then walked right up to the table and stopped like you knew where we were going. It was bizarre, kiddo.

Your dad and I have launched off on our own now and he's working for himself. That means that all the work he gets comes from my marketing skills and people's word of mouth advertising. This scares me pretty badly at certain moments. It's really stressful, and I should apologize to you for all the yelling that's been going on here at home lately. But, your dad is so motivated and he tells you all the time that we are building a future for you so that you can take over the business and run it or sell it for a profit someday. Just one less thing for you to have to worry about. Your dad says he doesn't want you to have to struggle and work hard for things like we've had to. He just wants you to have the choice to have a part of our family business. A successful one. I just want to be able to pay for your college and maybe have a nice house for you to grow up in. One that you won't be embarrassed to have friends over to. And, if I think about being a little more shallow for a minute, I wouldn't mind having time and money for the gym and tanning and the spa every now and again.

Sweet boy, everything we do is so much about you. We want this to be successful for your future. We care so much for you and you're such a special gift from God. You're the light in my cloudy days. You really are my little sunshine. Your innocence reminds me to slow down and appreciate the world as it is. You teach me how to be an example for you. You are so very loved and I can't imagine life any other way than being your mommy and being married to your daddy. Things will alway get tough in life, but I know we are trying to teach you that you can rest in Jesus and always find peace and comfort, even if we aren't there with you.

I can't believe next month you'll be a year and a half old. I might skip that letter and have two shots of tequila to numb the pain of losing my baby to childhood. I pray you'll stay sweet and carefree for as long as you want. I know your dad and I had to grow up a little too quickly in some ways and I want you to be a kid and enjoy it for a very long time. Don't grow up too fast, little man.

We love you more than you'll ever know, Gage.

Love, Mommy