As it happens, I had a jury summons and had to show up for jury duty this past Monday. Equally amusing: a friend from MOPS was there as well. What are the odds we both have jury duty on the same day in the same court? As most patriotic Americans, Curtis immediately gives me ideas on how to get out of being selected for actual jury sitting. I shrugged it off, and just figured if it was meant to be, then I suppose I would do my civic duty and be done with it. I did however, come up with a list of :
12 Ways to Ensure You Won't Be Selected for the Jury
- Throw up in the middle of jury selection - this was a very real possibility for me
- Wear something overtly Anti-Government. Like this charming top.
- Wear something overtly Religious. Like this one.
4. Visibly act like you recognize the defendant (i.e. wave excitedly) and then quickly try to cover your "recognition" by "playing it cool".
5. Snore. Loudly.
6. When asked if you have any personal beliefs that may keep you from being able to make an unbiased, fact-based, decision reply with "Oh, no. I'm just happy my husband let me out of the house this month. I love the fall weather!"
7. Refer to the Judge as "Your Majesty" instead of "Your Honor".
8. Occasionally sneak a sip from a flask containing something NON-alcoholic. Who knows the difference?
9. If asked ANY sort of question, always answer with "I could really use the $6 I'll get if I'm selected."
10. Any racist comment will do. Especially if it's about your own race.
11. When asked if you have any personal beliefs that may keep you from being able to make an unbiased, fact-based, decision reply with "I feel that women should not be judged as harshly as men in the courts".
12. If asked if there's any conflict of interest raise your hand and say "Um, I'm pretty sure I slept with that guy/girl over there" and point in the general direction of everyone else.
*I did NOT use any of these tactics to get out of jury duty.
I'm going to the eye doctor this Saturday and should hopefully be picking out some new stylish frames. Yep, I am skipping out on contacts for a few months. I feel like it makes more sense since I'm sure once this baby gets here I will be throwing on my glasses at all times of the night and not seeing at night is super inconvenient when you're changing diapers. Wish me happy shopping on that. I bought a Groupon a few weeks back and it includes a $200 credit toward a complete set of glasses. I'm cheap enough that I will find a pair for less than that amount. And they will hate me for it. :)
Here's to less nausea next week!