Tuesday, March 9, 2010

To The Love of My Life

Curtis and I have had a crazy rollercoaster ride in the short time we've been together. Some people are together 10 years before they deal with as much as we have, it seems. When I look back at the 27 months we've had together, it seems such a small amount of time compared to the life we lived before each other. We met, and he likes to say that we are still on our first date. We've gome through crazy drama (why do people from the past pop up for no good reason?), we've gone through sickness, broken bones, family tears, losing jobs, getting jobs, pregnancy, and the first three months of parenthood together. Sometimes, when we argue, it's easy to think we've had so few pleasant, fun, easy-going memories. It feels like a rat race.
I will admit the strife in our relationship stems partially from the decision we made to live together before we were married. It just sort of happened, after he broke his leg. I was there taking care of him 24/7 the first few weeks since he wasnt allowed to walk on his foot after the surgery he had to have to repair the broken bones. And, when the time came for me to transition on to finding my own place, we made the decision to stay in the situation we were in. I know it caused us much more pain than God wanted for us. So, once we were able to get married, we did so very quickly to be obedient to God's will. We still reaped some of the fruit of that decision immediately after our wedding. But, when we prayed about starting a family, God blessed us very quickly with an answer in the form of Gage!
I can say that I have watched Curtis grow into a man that I dreamed of. I have seen him change. I have watched him become a father, the sole provider for our family, a man who carries his worries silently & prayerfully. There's so much that goes on inside my husband that I can easily miss if I am not intently observing. He's not a man who will speak unless he is sure of his words. He doesn't fill the air with empty things. He keeps things to himself, and sometimes I have to drag it out of him. But, he has such a tender, loving heart. I know he keeps it hidden away to keep from getting hurt. He's wise, he's funny. He looks at the world in a way I don't. He has a relationship with his Heavenly Father that I can never have. I am envious of the depth of his experience of God's grace & forgiveness. He's a man who was changed from old into new, and it was a beautiful transformation. I feel so petty and irreverent at times with the things I struggle with, knowing how God has brought him through a lot of hard times. Not that the Lord hasn't done great things in my life, but it seems like Curtis has this knowledge of God's love that I miss out on in the familiarity of my 20 year Christian faith walk. I become hard hearted to the things God does every day. Curtis has an appreciation for all things great and small.
He is a loving father and husband. He may be rough in a way, being very much a man, but he loves so passionately and faithfully. I've never felt more safe, more loved, more sacrificed for. He's not perfect. He's just perfect for me. Someone once asked me if I felt like Curtis was the answer to my prayers for a husband, and I will say that Curtis isn't exactly what I prayed for. And, I am SO thankful that he's the man God picked for me, not the one I naively thought I needed. It's simply that God brought me a husband who is exactly what I needed, because my Heavenly Father knows me more than I know myself. I feel like Curtis was hand picked and delivered to me. I never would've thought I would be with a man like him. He's the only man that I can't steamroll. He stands up and demands that he is the leader of this family, and he lovingly allows me to voice my opinions. He puts me in my place when I need it, and he always loves me through my growing pains. We've hit more than a few bumps in the road due to the 8 1/2 year age difference between us. I am thankful for a husband with enough experience in life to know when to relax and let things go. I struggle with that on a daily basis. He's taught me that there's so much more to life than the things I tend to worry about. And, I have taught him to be a little more gentle. Curtis and I complement each other in a way that is beyond a ridiculous description of words. I could never be with anyone else. And, just last night, Curtis looked at me and said, "I don't think any woman has ever loved me as much as you do. You're the love of my life."

1 comment:

  1. Jodie,
    I just love this post! Paul and I made the (pretty awful) decision to live together before we were married too. The first year of marriage was an uphill battle and I know it was because of that. I love how God puts us in our places but still teaches us the sanctity of marriage all in one fell swoop.