Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What You Don't Understand 'Til You Have Kids

OH, today was crazy. We had, I am not kidding, back to back phone calls for our business, when it's hardly been busy lately. I wonder if it's the new ad that hit Superpages.com this month, coupled with everyone getting their tax return. But, it was busy, busy. Hugely awesome too. I've been arranging things all day.

Anyway, add to this the fact that Gage missed his morning nap, and then a second run for an afternoon nap that was interrupted by a MORON who cannot follow directions, and knocked on the front door, when he was told not to knock, "the baby is sleeping". (run on sentence, yes? judge me not) So, Moron knocks, and dogs bark and baby wakes up. Thank you, Moron. No afternoon nap.

So, now Gage is taking a nap, yes a NAP AT 5:30PM because what else should I do? He's out of control tired. This kid who's been sleeping 3 extra hours in the day for naps lately, got NO NAP. I'd be pissed too. I reckon he sleeps until 6:30 or 7 and then I wrestle him down at 9pm for bed. Thrown off schedule, but sleep prevails. I would rather have a crazy schedule tonight than a cranky baby. Because Gage is the product of Curtis and myself. We are not nice when we're tired, we are hateful when we haven't eaten. Combo = insanely moody baby when he's tired AND hungry.

What I never realized is how sacred the naptime quietness is. No, I don't think you should keep complete silence when your kids are napping, but it's nice to not have the trash man picking up garbage from the curb, or the UPS man delivering packages to your front door during this time. And, guess what? YOU WILL NEVER BE QUIET ENOUGH FOR ME! I am the naptime Nazi. If you're loud, I will melt you with my laser stare. Or say unkind things in a loud whisper. And, I might forget the baby monitor is on, and say things I wouldn't say to your face when I go get the crying baby from his crib after you wake him up. And, I won't feel too bad about it.

A few other things:
-If I haven't had a chance to shower, but my kid is dressed and clean and fed and happy and ready to go to the store, I will be there shopping, with my unshaven legs and ponytail and an extra application of deoderant.
-If I have beer and diapers in my cart, don't assume a 12 pack of MGD is for me. At least I am not taking my Prozac with it. Besides, I only drink Corona with a lime, and my husband usually picks it up on a Friday night. :) (and, I don't really take Prozac, not to judge anyone who does take it, either!)
-I may need parenting advice, but I will be damn sure to ASK SOMEONE WHO'S OPINION I WANT when I do. Keep it to yourself. You aren't my kids mom, and everyone raises their kids differently.
-I am fiercely protective. I use to think moms who were crazy about their kids all the time were just that; Crazy. But, it's the Mama Bear in us. If I think anything or anyone is threatening my family in any way, I WILL go psycho on you.
-If I can't find my keys, and forget to pay the cell phone bill on its due date, then that's a good week for me. I've never been so "abentminded". It's really that when you become a parent, your mind is filled with your kids and their needs, and you may forget to shave your arm pits or brush your teeth every once in a while.
-Breakfast can be whatever it needs to be. For yourself, and for your kids. And, I will drink only coffee until dinner if I am too busy for lunch as well!
-My house will rarely be spotless if you "Drop by" (just don't knock on my door if the "baby is sleeping" sign is on it!). I care more about germs than clutter anyway.
-Don't judge a mom with happy children. My goal at the end of each day is simply that Gage is well taken care of, and my husband is happy. The end justifies the means.
-Don't forget the moms in your life. It's a hard job; it's the best job I've ever had. (Except for when 24 Hour Fitness PAID ME $23/hr to teach TurboKick. That job rocked too!)


  1. Hope you have a wonderful 1st Mother's Day! Betcha' that Gage & Daddy have some tricks up their sleeves! Luv U!!!

  2. I SO enjoyed reading this!!! So glad you're a mom now too! We should get together sometime soon with our babies!!! (although mines not so small anymore - she's starting to talk! text me sometime so we can get together! (plus....I still have a few of your dresses I think...) =)